High School. || June/July 2021

     Today, I graduated high school. 

    As a part of the class of 2021, I feel like it's safe to say that it's a pretty amazing feat. The number of random struggles and losses that we have taken on as a class has been... something. 

    I thought about beginning this little draft whilst I was patiently waiting for my name to be called to walk across the stage and accept my diploma, but I didn't, so now here I am about five hours later with some reflections.

    I'm not exactly sure where to begin, though. Four years ago, I had Hamilton in repeat, cuffed my skinny jeans up to my calf, and wore bright purple low-top converse. I was in love with Five Seconds of Summer and wrote stories that hadn't amounted to much. 

    Now I'm here four years later with two drafts under my belt, leadership positions that have sent me through the wringer and to the moon, and a love for still Hamilton and 5sos that is sadly unwavering. But in four years, I did a lot of things. 

    I walked into the doors of the band room and met my best friends. The friends who I know always have my back. I love you- pinkie promises and barbie movies. 

    I sat down in freshman year English class on the very first day and sat across from another one of my soon-to-be best friends. I never thought I'd meet someone with the same vigor and passion for writing that I did, and saw life in the same way as me. From conversations in the beloved F-Hall bathrooms and flooding bathrooms a yearbook conventions, we've been through a lot of shit, and I love you so much. 

    I continued friendships with people who got me and still get me, creating new memories all the while. I love you. 

    I bought fries every single day in 11th grade. 

    I cut my hair short and got a nose piercing. 

  I experienced moments so funny I was doubled over laughing, and ones that had tears rolling down my face. I experienced the whole 'yeah, this is public high school' moment too many times. I listened to music that made me feel badass when I walked in the halls. My converses slowly were traded into statement boots or high heels because I feel pretty damn powerful in them. 

  And while I'm sure that everyone has a mutual understanding that high school isn't all that great, I can tell you this: high school was good to me. 

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    Hi, it's me again. Except for this time, it's about a month later to attempt to finish this in some fashion that I enjoy. I think I was trying too hard in the first part of this; it's too pretentious and too much of an attempt to be poetic. I try that sometimes, and I'm not very good at it.

    Anyways, here I am, my creative juices pretty charged considering I spend my weeks with children for summer camp and don't have much time to sit and think. I wanted to make a youtube video but for some reason, the universe has been hiding everything remotely good from me and I can't seem to follow through with an idea without some kind of roadblock... so here I am, attempting to finish this blog post while listening to Fifteen by Taylor Swift (which surprisingly wasn't added to the queue for dramatic effect). 

    But, yeah. High school. 

    I ended up opening my letter from my fifteen-year-old self, and it was kind of incredible to see who I was then. What I hadn't experienced yet, who all I hadn't met yet, what all I hadn't accomplished. There's such purity and effortlessness to it that I think I forgot I had. It's something I miss, and I hope someday to get back to. 

    The other funny thing about it is that it reads like me. My voice is still the same, and it's still loud and effervescent and bold. It's still unafraid and unhesitant for experience and growth. I think it almost reminded me that while I've changed so much, there's also so much of me that stayed the same. 

    People love to reflect on the growth that was made- especially in high school or school years in general- but I think it's also important to note how much of you is still unchanged and unaffected. How much of you is the entire entity of who you are at your core. 

    I think that's also pretty incredible. 

    When I was fifteen, I made fan edits on my phone and owned graphic tees from hot topic. I think that those evolved into youtube videos and thrifted oversized shirts from goodwill. 

    I don't think I can still rightly put how important high school was to me, and I don't think I will. It's such an overhyped and stereotyped part of your life- hello, Young Adult fiction section. But I think overhyped and stereotyped in the best ways possible. 

    Yeah, it's just high school. You go to school for eight hours a day and learn about things that only mediocrely matter, pretend to have school spirit while condom balloons float around the student body, and put up with some of the most disgusting restrooms probably to ever exist. But you also meet people who'll always have such a special place in your heart (for better or for worse), you'll try to figure yourself out for the first time ever, you'll learn how to drive and what your talents and interests are. You'll grow, adapt, change, fall down face first and have to get back up again. 

    And at some point- hopefully multiple- you'll feel that feeling, the 'tunnel' moment, you know, the one from 'Perks Of Being a Wallflower'? But it won't be from a movie or fiction, it'll be your tunnel moment. And for me, that's what the most incredible thing about high school is. 

    It was the opportunity to experience some tunnel moments. 

    Thanks, high school, I know this post probably described exactly nothing of what I truly felt when I turned my tassel, but I hope it's a good shot. 

    To bigger and better things. 

With love, Emalee Goode (Class of 2021)