Cheers to 2020. (My Year In Review) || December 2019
This year I discovered more things about myself than I have ever breached the limits of before. I like tea. I can write poetry. I can become free from a rut that I continually find myself in. I can draft a book. I can edit a yearbook. I can captain a color guard.
I can be more of me, but also less of me, than I have ever been before.
There was a point this year where I felt I lost myself a few times. In January and May, but again in September and here and there in the months that followed. It wasn't a loss that I recognized, it was one that others recognized first- people who were close to me, like my family or friends. But it wasn't like I lost myself completely, totally, into the darkness, but I lost parts of myself. But the best part about this year was that I found them again, and in turn, discovered new things about myself that I didn't know before.
I learned that I love really hard as opposed to really little.
I learned that I don't pick up new activities quickly, it takes time.
I learned that shoes and accessories can make or break an outfit, not clothes.
I learned that driving is difficult but manageable.
I learned that leading a group without lots of experience is difficult, but worth the fight.
I learned that emotional hurt is deeper than I thought.
I learned that I love film (and writing, and acting and performing and everything under the sun).
I learned that I loved performing one hundred times more than I thought I did (and I already loved it quite a lot).
I learned that friends alongside family can quite possibly be the most beneficial additives to someone's life.
And, I learned that above all, to be more of everything I already was.
I learned to fall more in love with who I was- who I am.
Truthfully, it's hard to believe that 2019 was my year of being sixteen. The year that movies and books always describe as being something completely different but parallel at the same time to what it truly is like to be this age. And although for the first time in a very long time, I lost myself and found myself once again in a flourished state, I also had moments when I knew exactly who I was.
When I was blasting my favorites playlist with the windows rolled down in my car in July.
When I was drafting my third novel in November.
When I was decorating the Christmas tree with my family.
When I was performing in my school's talent show.
When I was standing in ranks at State for band.
When I was dancing around my kitchen, room, bathroom- you name it- with my volume up so loud in my earbuds I couldn't hear anyone, dancing like no one was watching.
When I was spending time with my friends.
When I was watching youtube videos on my bed.
When I walked into the first day of my junior year, and then the next, and the next and the next.
When I got my nose pierced.
To use one word to describe my year, it would be growth. I have grown and expanded who I am and who I was into a much more prospered version of myself. The sixteen-year-old version. The one who will stay this way until she loses herself again or until something forces a change. The one who loves journaling and old fashioned mixtapes, who loves to give gifts to people but hates to watch them open it, the one who loves the city, the one who loves to write and read but loses the time she has for it, the one who wants to perform forever and ever, the one who wants to wear the most stylistic outfit to school just because, the one who wants the world to hear her favorite music because it's the only way to her soul- to know her.
So cheers to the new decade, right? Cheers to loving everything old I've had since I was young, and everything new that I've had since 2019. Cheers to new experiences and new tastes, new foods and new music, new people and new paths, new shoes, and clothes, to new and rejuvenated happiness.
Thank you for allowing me another year on this earth. Cheers to 2020.
Included here are two of my favorite photos, one from January and one from December :)
I can be more of me, but also less of me, than I have ever been before.
There was a point this year where I felt I lost myself a few times. In January and May, but again in September and here and there in the months that followed. It wasn't a loss that I recognized, it was one that others recognized first- people who were close to me, like my family or friends. But it wasn't like I lost myself completely, totally, into the darkness, but I lost parts of myself. But the best part about this year was that I found them again, and in turn, discovered new things about myself that I didn't know before.
I learned that I love really hard as opposed to really little.
I learned that I don't pick up new activities quickly, it takes time.
I learned that shoes and accessories can make or break an outfit, not clothes.
I learned that driving is difficult but manageable.
I learned that leading a group without lots of experience is difficult, but worth the fight.
I learned that emotional hurt is deeper than I thought.
I learned that I love film (and writing, and acting and performing and everything under the sun).
I learned that I loved performing one hundred times more than I thought I did (and I already loved it quite a lot).
I learned that friends alongside family can quite possibly be the most beneficial additives to someone's life.
And, I learned that above all, to be more of everything I already was.
I learned to fall more in love with who I was- who I am.
Truthfully, it's hard to believe that 2019 was my year of being sixteen. The year that movies and books always describe as being something completely different but parallel at the same time to what it truly is like to be this age. And although for the first time in a very long time, I lost myself and found myself once again in a flourished state, I also had moments when I knew exactly who I was.
When I was blasting my favorites playlist with the windows rolled down in my car in July.
When I was drafting my third novel in November.
When I was decorating the Christmas tree with my family.
When I was performing in my school's talent show.
When I was standing in ranks at State for band.
When I was dancing around my kitchen, room, bathroom- you name it- with my volume up so loud in my earbuds I couldn't hear anyone, dancing like no one was watching.
When I was spending time with my friends.
When I was watching youtube videos on my bed.
When I walked into the first day of my junior year, and then the next, and the next and the next.
When I got my nose pierced.
To use one word to describe my year, it would be growth. I have grown and expanded who I am and who I was into a much more prospered version of myself. The sixteen-year-old version. The one who will stay this way until she loses herself again or until something forces a change. The one who loves journaling and old fashioned mixtapes, who loves to give gifts to people but hates to watch them open it, the one who loves the city, the one who loves to write and read but loses the time she has for it, the one who wants to perform forever and ever, the one who wants to wear the most stylistic outfit to school just because, the one who wants the world to hear her favorite music because it's the only way to her soul- to know her.
So cheers to the new decade, right? Cheers to loving everything old I've had since I was young, and everything new that I've had since 2019. Cheers to new experiences and new tastes, new foods and new music, new people and new paths, new shoes, and clothes, to new and rejuvenated happiness.
Thank you for allowing me another year on this earth. Cheers to 2020.
Included here are two of my favorite photos, one from January and one from December :)
Comments
Post a Comment