This was 2020. (A Year In Review) || January 2021
Welcome to the new year, finally!
After all of that shit that we just experienced in 2020, it has to be worth something, right?
Anyways, as I'm writing this, it's currently one in the morning on Tuesday, January 5th, 2021. I'm attempting to keep myself accountable for the multitude of things I've decided to do, and this is one of them. I also wanted to go to bed early, but at this rate, it's day two and it's already off the table it seems.
To be honest, I'm not sure who is even reading this. I post a lot of promotional stuff on my stories now (because I had the audacity to start up a youtube channel this year, as well as continue this blog and a podcast, AND I'm starting streaming on twitch soon). I'm sure that people kind of just click right on over this stuff now, which is alright. This blog especially is something that I hold personally. It's a great way to illuminate my writing as the years go on. I'm planning on adding legitimate pieces I've written onto here soon just so I have a nice little nifty spot to write.
If you recall, I did one of these last year (wow, yeah, it's seriously been that long). That one is poetic and hopeful and young. I'm still all of those things, but I'm not quite sure if (a) 1 am me can muster that right now and (b) if 2020 as a whole even deserves it.
Let's start with the bad. Although I'm sick of talking about it, the COVID-19 truly and utterly has shifted the way we as a world function. I quickly realized (and am constantly reminded of this probably on the daily) that high school is one of the worst places to be in with all of this. I've kind of succumbed to the conclusion that there is a very likely chance that I (a girl who grew up on teen dramas on Disney channel surrounded by the entirety of prom) won't have one. I will go off to college and be apart of an age that never had one- not even an opprountity. There are so many other things, too- my senior marching band season, my senior winterguard season, homecoming, competitions...
And I will remind you of this: it could be worse. I know that there are families now that are out of jobs, and are attempting to live day by day through all of this, or people who have family members on their death bed and have to call them to tell them goodbye. It always can, and will be worse than whatever I could experience.
For that, I'm grateful. I'm grateful that that's the only thing I had to deal with- losing my high school experience slowly, bit by bit.
I could keep going with the bad, and the ugly and the dark grey that still seems to be looming around usually bright corners, but I won't. It's taken enough from too many things and too many people to have the attention of this post.
The good. Quarantine was probably the best and worst time for me. Best in the sense that I got to delve deeper into myself, my spirituality, just learning different things about myself as we went. It was also best in the sense that I got incredibly creative, and all of this time to do it.
Seeing by the lack of blog posts from then until now, you can see how incredible my ability of execution is.
In a different manner, although this blog didn't get updated as much as I would have hoped (or preferred), I did some other creative things this year that have now pushed me farther into creating content to put online. My youtube channel launched in November, and although my schedule is incredibly inconsistent from what I want, this is a new ear, and every day is a new day, and every week is a new week. I want to make what I love, I want to make stuff I'm proud of.
And the thing is, I think I can.
I listened to a lot of insanely good music this year and discovered more and more things about fashion that I liked and didn't like. I now make kids' Disney dream come true for a job, too.
I didn't complete a single draft this year for a book like I had planned (NaNoWriMo ended up falling through miserably for me this year), but it's my goal in 2021 to do that. I want to be able to write more and write more things that I love. With that, read more. It's always (literally, always) my goal each year to read more. I have a goal of 25 books to read this year on Goodreads- 25! I haven't read 25 books in a year is so long. But, the attempt is being made, and to me, that's all that matters.
On top of that, I got completely immersed in fan culture again. It's such a safe space for me, and also such an enjoyable one if you play your cards right. I've missed it, and it was nice to be able to be obsessed with a plotline and show and story that rocked my world.
I got into college, too, which is another hectic and crazy (but insanely reliving) thing. I'm excited and ready for a new thing. Not ready to give up high school just yet, but getting close. It'll all happen when it needs to, I'm sure. The universe is good at that.
And lastly, but probably the biggest thing that I think I've gained from everything is the insanely strong friendships and family ties I've gotten out of this. I had close friends, sure, but I feel so much more connected now than I did before. I also have always been incredibly close to my family, but now it's on a whole other level that I never thought it could reach, and I'm so thankful for it.
This year will be better for all of us. For me and whoever the hell is reading this. We got through the toughest part, we just need to bring back the life in our eyes that were once there. This is a whole brand new beginning.
2020 sucked, but it was what I needed to grow and truly become the happiest (well, happier) version of myself. I keep growing, and I will continue to grow until my very last day. But I'm. right where I need to be right now, and that makes me pretty content.
much love, stay safe.
Emalee xx
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